143 Comments
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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Games like this are why Mourinhoball could still win a title.

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Jose is likely enjoying this game more than any game this season

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Sam's avatar

though he likely wishes fred would play more like a bastard

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Miguel's avatar

he bought a batman and a GOT chair. the man's just loving life right now

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I realize I haven't commented in anything that's happened in the game since, I don't know, halftime. But, basically: United can only really create chances on the break, but City are playing two D-mids and two conservative fullbakcs, which is preventing United from breaking. Meanwhile, United defend deep reasonably well, and to break them down, you need as many bodies forward as possible to stretch them out, but since City are worried about the counter, they only have four players contributing to the attack. The result: this.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

John Stones starting over Aymeric Laporte in the Manchester Derby. Life comes at you fast!

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

The fact that there are only two minutes of ET tells you everything you need to know.

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Will's avatar

Surprised by the lack of gamesmanship. Pretty take for a derby. These are the matches where you really feel the lack of a crowd.

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Will's avatar

*tame

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Definitely did not have "Manchester City get the first great chance of the match on a counter-attack" on my bingo card.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I'm starting to think that Aaron Wan-Bissaka isn't very good. His 1v1 defending is probably a little overrated -- see: Sterling putting him into the ground -- and United get killed by diagonal balls onto his zone of the field. Then, he doesn't offer much going forward. Might be better off in a different position, imo.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

*into

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Garett Dmytrowich's avatar

He doesn't really offer enough offensively for a team that wants to be among the best in the world.

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Eddie G's avatar

It does seem like his best work/highlight reel is all recovery tackles that inevitably include an announcer using the adverb “telescopically”.

What position do you think he might be better in?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Possibly as a CB in a back-three or as a DM. His best skill is ball-winning, right? So deploy that in a part of the field where it might be more useful.

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

Oooh really like the RCB idea. 1 v 1 D still important, doesn't need to push forward as much, can cover the ground an outside CB would need to.

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duransound's avatar

Javier Mascherano vibes for sure as a DM / kinda sweeper

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Wil Ullmann's avatar

i think he could be better moving inside as an outside cb in a back 3 a la cesar azpilicueta for conte

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Graeme Le Saux just said "you can't take man-marking literally" and then basically said that you have to pick up the man when he's in your area but let him go when he's not. That is ... the opposite of man-marking.

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Sam's avatar

also the principles of jim boeheim's famous man to man defense as well

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

"You can't take man-marking literally. You have to just do zonal marking instead."

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Despair, Repair's avatar

He also just interrupted Arlo mid-sentence just say "I think the teams are just feeling each other out a little bit here."

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

FT Stat Update:

Shots (on target): United 11 (2), City 9 (2)

xG: United 0.6, City 1.33

Attacking-third passes: United 41, City 104

Penalty-area passes: United 5, City 10

So, uh, yeahhhhhhhh. City could've and should've won -- not sure what all the talk re: United being pleased with the performance is about -- but doesn't change the fact that we all just spend two hours of our lives beaming that shit into our brains. I'm not sure that Pep's gameplan was actually all the bad, either; it just looked like shit and theres gotta be a way to keep that kind of control while also adding in some width. An inverted fullback and winger on the same side is just ugly as hell. I'd really like to know what Pep ideally sees the attack looking like in his head. United -- I mean, sure? They played a game of soccer, and they didn't concede a goal. Their list of achievements ends there.

Metaphorical Cubed Ham Recipient: Harry Maguire. A couple nice blocks from Ol Slabhead, and he's a big reason why United kind of shut City down. It wasn't a performance worthy of Spanish ham, Christmas ham, or frankly most other kinds of ham. So, he's going home with a vaccum-sealed package of pre-cooked cubed ham. Congrats, Harry.

Sorry that was so bad. But thanks for joining in. As I've been saying a lot recently: you guys made that way more fun that it had any right to be. Enjoy your weekends, all.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Leaning toward "no metaphorical ham will be awarded today".

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Can you tweak the quality/cost of the ham to make it an ironic award? (Or at least more ironic than it already is)

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Eddie G's avatar

Can of Spam?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Completely agree with this: https://twitter.com/reverse_ball/status/1337824033526562816

That first-half felt exactly like what every Liverpol/Chelsea/United/Arsenal game felt like from 2005 to 2010. Cagey, fullbacks not involved high up the field, and the only chances come from set pieces or pretty fast, vertical combinations.

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Will's avatar

Reverse ball is low key one my favorite anonymous football Twitter accounts.

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Miguel's avatar

i feel that era was more rutting stags banging their heads together. these two at the moment are more (insert smaller antlerless mammal of your choice)

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Sam's avatar

well at least we were miserably bored together

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Jahn's avatar

very bills-browns thursday night football circa 2012 energy here

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Two holding midfielders minimum, one half of an attacking fullback maximum. This is what soccer was like before 2016.

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Sam's avatar

it does seem like pep read your article on what makes teams successful and then decided to do opposite as mental exercise

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Union Berlin are up, 1-0, on Bayern with 40 minutes to play. I would not blame you if you switched over to that match.

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Miguel's avatar

or replay dortmund - stuttgart to confirm that yes, yes it was that nightmarish....

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James Milner's Peloton's avatar

Turns out Emre Can in a back 3 is not a sound defensive strategy.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

HT Stat Update:

Shots (on target): United 7 (1), City 4 (1)

xG (per Stats Perform): United 0.42, City 0.85

Attacking-third passes: United 21, City 30

Penalty-area passes: United 3, City 6

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Sam's avatar

does wan bissaka hitting a cross to no one count as an attacking 3rd pass? or does it have to be completed?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

lol, it has to be completed

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Rough 10 days for Fred.

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Despair, Repair's avatar

If he is going to have to go off for an injury he might as well sneak in another yellow card before he does

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Sam's avatar

give him the spray!

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

bathe him in the spray

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Patrick S's avatar

What changes do we think Pep makes out of half? (Assuming that he didn't just wrestle with the epistemological conundrums of "Man Marking" the entire time)

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

They have absolutely no width, so: Gundogan for Mahrez or Sterling would be the Pep-iest way of doubling-down.

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Despair, Repair's avatar

My Unscientific Unprovable Theory: Vincent Kompany was the best captain in soccer history

How else to explain this Man City-lite we've been seeing the last 2 years?!

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Andrew ElHabr's avatar

thank you for not placing the chat curse on the everton-chelsea match

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Miguel's avatar

just here for jamie carragher troll picture now

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Mohit Kumar Manhas's avatar

This game makes me miss Simeone's Atletico Madrid

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James Milner's Peloton's avatar

Every day we stray further from Bielsa's light

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Despite what the announcers, City are not, in fact, man-marking Bruno Fernandes.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

*announcers are saying

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Eddie G's avatar

How soon do you think they’ll advocate taking potshots from outside the box?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

o/u 35-minute mark

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Will's avatar

United still kind of feel more like a FIFA team than a real squad.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I like it. Good overall ratings, but the pieces don't fit.

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Patrick S's avatar

And who amongst us hasn't bungled our way out of the Champions League by trying to squeeze two middling left backs onto the field at the same time

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Will's avatar

Toss a bunch of fast guys up top and just keep trying through balls!

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Without fans do we think the players know how truly terrible of a spectacle this is

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Bad take Haver(tz)'s avatar

Crazy how much a difference it made in that Leeds Chelsea game this feels so empty

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James Milner's Peloton's avatar

Not a good week for corner flags.

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Eddie G's avatar

Anyone see Reyna’s goal earlier? Class

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Sam's avatar

kinda sucks i cant irrationally hate on players who wear gloves now, but it was nice

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Eddie G's avatar

For sure. Reyna the first name on the team sheet of the all-gloved XI

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Craig Henderson's avatar

That egg Dortmund laid tho...

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Eddie G's avatar

I thought Stuttgart were pretty good, but...word. Dortmund look a bit rudderless without Haaland

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Craig Henderson's avatar

They’re lost without him. And Stuttgart were really good.

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Like how graham just proposed that Wan-Bissaka learn how to cross from Fernandes. “Talk to a teammate who is better than you.” Innovative

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

If AWB and Bruno just talked to each other more, they'd be the two best players in the world.

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Felipe Lima's avatar

Stack cliches by then adding--"the great players find it so hard to teach their skills"

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matt g's avatar

Graeme the Galaxy Brain

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Bad take Haver(tz)'s avatar

Mahrez is Algerian Robben

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Sam's avatar

SHAVE THE HEAD, MAHREZ

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Bad take Haver(tz)'s avatar

Only has one move cutting left, great against bad teams and hardly shows up in big games

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

whoa whoa whoa. i was unaware that either of them, especially robben, had this kind of reuptation!

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Bad take Haver(tz)'s avatar

I mean, they're both absolutely world class but at the same time so frustrating

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Robben was Man of the Match in a Champions League final!

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Patrick S's avatar

If anyone feels a need for entertainment after that, try to hunt down a clip of Pavard giving the world's least necessary bicycle kick a go at the end of Bayern v. Union

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Joel's avatar

What happened to Alex Telles? Has he still not recovered from COVID?

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

More pressing question is what happened to Daniel James

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Plug, Telles, James, and Lingard into this team and they're title favorites.

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James Milner's Peloton's avatar

Don't forget Axel "Mbappe Stopper" Tuanzebe.

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Kyle walker strikes again

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Will's avatar

Pogba seems up for it today. He’s winning 50/50s in midfield AND doing the other sexy stuff too.

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Mohit Kumar Manhas's avatar

Hey Ryan what about a Madird Derby chat? Can't be more boring than this, right?

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

I feel like Chelsea/Everton SHOULD be more entertaining? but i've watched two EPL matches this morning and seen 1 late pk goal (The Bundesliga in between was way more fun) But the derby could be the right move

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Mohit Kumar Manhas's avatar

I just heard the commentator mention how the United away record is much better than home record. Does it even matter in this post apocalyptic football world? What's the difference between in a home and an away game? The difference in font size on those giant cards?

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James Milner's Peloton's avatar

Seems like Dilva left quite a creative void in City's attack. Foden feels like the ideal replacement, but he's in Pep's doghouse.

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

Idk if it's creativity so much as control? Which is one reason I think he's gone double pivot more often recently.

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Patrick S's avatar

KDB crushing the ball directly into the girthy middle of the United wall on that free kick is the only recap this game needs

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Miguel's avatar

anyone else notice klopp saying that chelsea should be viewed as title favorites? ember beef is still beef.

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Despair, Repair's avatar

Ian Darke on Twitter suggesting that fatigue is the "only explanation" for why the Manchester Derby is so blegh.

LOL

https://twitter.com/IanDarke/status/1337836222123810816

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Sayer's avatar

Is Bruno Fernandes as good as the announcers say he is?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

He's really good, though I think he's more of a floor-raiser than a ceiling-raiser. Give him the keys and he'll turn you into a pretty good team, but don't totally see him plugging into an elite team and making them better. But, uh, the announcers suggested earlier that he could make his teammates better by just talking to them.

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Sam's avatar

everyone knows good players are better on good teams as a result of the dialogue

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matt g's avatar

Doubt their genius at your own peril

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

Can you guess who equalized for Bayern?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Must be either Choupo-Moting or Goretzka.

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Bad take Haver(tz)'s avatar

A sane goal would make this city game even more frustrating so I would bet that's coming

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Despair, Repair's avatar

Klose or Luca Toni?!

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Sayer's avatar

zirkzee or Davies the only acceptable answers

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

I feel dumber for having watched this

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Felipe Lima's avatar

Remember when the premier league ball was juiced

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Joel's avatar

I’m about to go run some errands. Watch there be goals now.

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Sam's avatar

all of us are still watching so prob not

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Despair, Repair's avatar

Feels like De Bruyne is super active in midfield winning the ball back. Is that normal for him and I just haven't watched closely enough?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Might have something to do with most United's midfield not being especially secure on the ball, too.

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Miguel's avatar

i feel like de bruyne has been working over time for weeks now

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Bad take Haver(tz)'s avatar

Definitely more common in the stretches without ilkay. him not on the field maybe the reason since rodri is so deep and ferna doesn't close like he used to

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Despair, Repair's avatar

Yeah that makes sense. Man has to be tired doing all of that + set pieces and through balls to nobody...

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Joel's avatar

This is a bit boring

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Sam's avatar

was really looking forward to the VAR discussion...too bad

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

on tv or in here? nothing's stopping you from starting it in here

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Sam's avatar

ill wait til the john stones VAR handball / bruno pk winner in the 85th min to start it here

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Bad take Haver(tz)'s avatar

Easy - var is good when it helps the team I root for, bad when it's used against us

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

ooooooh coming back?

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Sam's avatar

100p

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Miguel's avatar

roy keane be nice!!...

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Mohit Kumar Manhas's avatar

I'm just a United 1-0 win away from tweeting at how good Solskjaer is at coming up with reactive tactical plans for big games

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Miguel's avatar

it's kinda amazing how Fred just starts now and it's normal. Fred starting used to mean that the Rapture was imminent or at the very least the rest of the midfield were involved in an accident. Now OGS keeps him on even if the referee is minutes away from sending him off because Fred.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Fred is omnipotent. Fred is eternal.

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Eddie G's avatar

Fred dressed up as Thanos for Halloween and now has legitimate reason to proclaim “I am inevitable” before every match when he sees the team sheet

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