133 Comments
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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Germany's two best theoretical nos. 10 are Kai Havertz, who is an elegant giant who looks like he was built in a lab, and Thomas Muller, who is an absolute physical abomination who can barely control his limbs.

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Rhett's avatar

Body’s too normal. Can’t play the 10

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Frankfurt have employed multiple Mexican soccer players over the past few years. Whether or not he knows it, t's not a coincidence that Shea is here.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

No injury time ... despite four goals in the second half. They need to void Sam's bet.

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

(Dj khaled voice): They dont want us to win. #teamsam

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Bayern have 19 players worth at least 10 mil on Transfermarkt. That's after the values were depressed due to the pandemic, too. You're not even allowed to have 19 players in your matchday sqaud!

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

That was fun -- our liveliest chat yet. Thanks for participating, all. We'll do another one for the Dortmund-Bayern game on Tuesday. Spare a thought/create a GoFundMe account for Sam.

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Thank you and keep up the good work as always!

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Great through ball from Fernandes to Davies.

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Cmon Frankfurt don't concede one more #teamsam

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Hans's avatar

Without scoring 2 yourselves #teamsam

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Jack Dawson's avatar

Hit him in stride

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Calvin's avatar

Seems like shooting on his own goal would've been less catastrophic

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Sam's avatar

tbh i had such a hard time hating that goal

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

That was a total beatdown. We can all spend the second half pulling for Sam, whose "Frankfurt +2.5" bet seems like it hinges on whether or not Bayern sub on a bench player who feels like he has something to prove.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Pray for Sam.

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Does this count as part of the curse since you approved it?

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

How long before Bill Simmons joins this chat to compare Davies to Tatum?

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Matt Gaydos's avatar

He'd probably say something like "Davies should stay away from training with Marcelo or he'll pick up his bad habits."

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Frankfurt have conceded goals from: 1) a midfielder playing a no-look through ball to the other team in his own box, and 2) a center back trying to do a cruyff turn but instead kicking the ball off his own heel and into his own goal. Cool.

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

The skill of a Kevin Knox and RJ Barrett one on one

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

That's 7 goals, 17 assists for 30-year-old Thomas Muller.

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Mark Thompson's avatar

When he retires there should definitely be a Thomas Muller trophy awarded to other players who are fantastic in weird ways. The winner each year can wear lederhosen on stage with him

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

The Space Interpreter is one of a kind

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Micah Peters's avatar

Good morning Ryan. My sexuality is a low driven cross from Alphonso Davies.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Happy for you. Big news, given how you previously self-identifies as "Scott McTominay kicking a ball into the stands, pulling both of his socks over his knees, and then yelling at no one in particular".

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Micah Peters's avatar

*ahem* sexuality is a spectrum

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Jack Dawson's avatar

We gotta get him back on the pod to do 40 minutes on king Davies

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Wow not a Wan-bissaka challenge?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

To celebrate signing his new contract, Manuel Neuer hasn't made a save yet.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

#JINX

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Hans's avatar

The immediacy of your reverse jinxes is unprecedented

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Hans's avatar

#nubel2021

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Contemporary Marvin Williams

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Last week I talked about how I didn't love Leon Goretzka. You're welcome, Leon.

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Jack Dawson's avatar

The curse is real, even works in reverse

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Sam's avatar

FRANKFURT +2.5 LETS GO

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Hans's avatar

Rooting for you this half is my new #1 passion

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Matt Gaydos's avatar

CMON FRANKFURT GET SAM HIS MONEY

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

The plot thickens

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Mike's avatar

Love this for us

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Shea Serrano's avatar

I miss you so much.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Bayern have ... zero passing midfielders on the field currently? This should be interesting. Also, Cuisance looks like every kid I went to middle school with. All he's missing is one of these: https://www.thesteelshop.com/products/7mm-steel-figaro-link-chain-necklace-ssn70w?variant=31112801058858&currency=USD&utm_campaign=gs-2018-10-03&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=CjwKCAjwk6P2BRAIEiwAfVJ0rH5kmhw4JER2ckUG8qK_6lIdAZcZMr_Cc4TPdOSY7gtFqTVuNNxt0RoCJsoQAvD_BwE

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Sam's avatar

cuisance undoubtedly has a strong baggy denim game

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Jack Dawson's avatar

He got the jnco’s for sure

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

The announcer just said, "There wasn't much he could've done about the own goal". Lmao.

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Fabian's avatar

one team just subbed in a world cup champ in the 76th minute. it wasn't bayern.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

WHERE IS VAR WHEN YOU NEED IT

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

My guy has eight goals from corner kicks this season. Jesus.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

How many people in this chat own a team-brand facemask? There has to be at least one of you.

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Rhett's avatar

Not an owner yet. They just got added to the team store.

https://store.liverpoolfc.com/liverpool-fc-face-coverings-4-pack

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Jack Dawson's avatar

I won’t lie, I’ve thought about it

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I could see you in a Columbus Crew facemask. Definitely.

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Jack Dawson's avatar

Oh for sure

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Sam's avatar

at least that was fun. appreciate the support. i guess the injury time goal was the friends i made along the way. is that how it works??

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Could make it a running weekly theme. Every week people unite to cheer for your bet in the second half of a one sided affair. might be bad for the wallet tho

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Mike's avatar

All three of my Bundesliga bets were lost by noon

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Sam's avatar

bet on hoffenheim -.5 and leverkusen pk so 50/50 so far...you gotta bet on the 1230 game game the night before to avoid discouragement!!

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Mike's avatar

I had Gladbach and Frieburg, and then a parlay involving Hoffenheim ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Austin Cracraft's avatar

perisic feels like more of a frankfurt player than a bayern player

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Micah Peters's avatar

I estimate that there are roughly 6 more goals in this match

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

Gnabry lurking, about to stomp on sam's dreams

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Sam's avatar

Betting on soccer is way too hard but it's all we got today so Frankfurt +2.5 🤞🏻🤞🏻

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Frankfurt aren’t terrible. That’s a lot of goals to give. I like it.

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Chris's avatar

I went Bayern on the 1H line

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Is Goretzka playing? Or did he leave after he scored?

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Jack Dawson's avatar

Why would you do this to Sam? Your reverse jinx game is too strong to tempt the fates like this

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

He needs the Uncle Ben speech

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Hinteregger ist Gott.

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Shea Serrano's avatar

How are things going? Good, I hope. You deserve the world.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Miss you too, buddy. I'm hanging in there. Tacos the next time you're allowed to come to California?

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Shea Serrano's avatar

I'd walk through a coronavirus rainforest with my mouth open to sit down and eat with you

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

The real question is would you hang out with O'hanlon or Will Patton? or would the three of you end up being the modern Brody Quint and Hooper?

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Mike's avatar

Celebrity sighting here

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Sam's avatar

as a 6 5 premature bald its only fitting that my guy bas wins this for me

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Micah Peters's avatar

as an aside, incredibly stressed out by this Bayern COVID-19 PSA with the pediatric clinic music

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Sam's avatar

i had a kostic kit in my cart

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Hans's avatar

I'm in agony for you #teamsam

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Sam's avatar

where bas dost at??

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Chris's avatar

Just put in a Frankfurt draw or win live wager. #teamsam

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

oh god

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Hans's avatar

You guys are manipulating fate

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Matt Gaydos's avatar

ouch

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Chris's avatar

Woof. Just as I typed it.

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

COMON SAMMY

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Jack Dawson's avatar

That Bayern psa was absolutely wild

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Chris's avatar

Really can't get enough of this Bayern COVID PSA

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Christopher Harwick's avatar

Has there been a utility player like Alaba before? In terms of skill and variety I feel like it might be unprecedented. Winger, OB, CB for Bayern, and used as a 10 for Austria I believe.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Yep, also was one of the first "inverted fullbacks" under Guardiola. I'm sure there's been someone like him, but I can't think of anyone in the modern game who was as versatile as him.

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Rhett's avatar

His name is James Philip Milner

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Wake me up when Milner plays center back.

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Maxwell E's avatar

Wijnaldum has - as well as every other outfield position. Ding ding ding?

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Matt Gaydos's avatar

I keep on thinking about the damage TAA could do if he made the switch to midfield like Alaba did

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Hans's avatar

He'll switch in 2-3 seasons. Midfield aging plus the Williams kid maturing will move him forward.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I think his passing is more valuable from fullback than from midfield, but we'll see.

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Matt Gaydos's avatar

I get that because I guess it's harder for defenses to prepare for him when he's passing like that from the flank. but I also think sometimes his position limits his passing range.

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Hans's avatar

If their ideal 11 becomes a 4-2-3-1, I'd agree 100%, but in a 4-3-3 I think they could afford to let him basically do what he's doing from midfield with Fabinho and someone else who'd have to be industrious.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I just ... Liverpool won the Champions League and were then on pace to have the best PL season of all time with TAA as their primary creator from the fullback spot. Don't know why you'd wanna mess with that.

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Hans's avatar

Right now this offensive style does appear to be that huge tactical advantage, like David Villa's Burner is saying...I'm just betting there may be a stylistic counter (don't ask me what), and switching positions could invigorate a 23yr old TAA with 7 years in at RB. Plus he went through the academy in a more forward position. Hopefully a fun long bet, you guys do talk common sense.

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Matt Gaydos's avatar

feel the same way. competitive advantages only last so long anyway

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

To extract so much creation value from that sort of position feels like such a competitive advantage. It's like using a backup qb spot on Taysom Hill who can play special teams, tight end, etc.

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Jack Dawson's avatar

I genuinely can’t tell if Kimmich came to his senses and shaved or not

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DT's avatar

Gnabry should be starting every single game. As a Bayern fan, I'd like to see Perisic relegated to the youth squad permanently.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Gotta think they're rotating the squad w/Dortmund on Tuesday.

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Rhett's avatar

Unbridled joy for Arsenal fans as well

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Bayern finished with an XG value of 3.59 the highest in the Bundesliga since the restart and since their match against Hoffenheim on Feb 29

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Can Sam get a consolation haiku after those travesty of self inflicted mistakes and lack of injury time?

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Ayeee Zirkzee is in finally

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Calvin's avatar

Sam, I just yelped on your behave after that shot someone stayed out

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Time to sub in Zirkzee

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

The Goat just became the goat

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Avi Tyagi's avatar

Bayern passive on substitutions so far this game, Boateng was forced

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Chris's avatar

Oh noes!

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