164 Comments
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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I've decided that we're going to award a metaphorical Spanish ham at the end of the match to whichever player is most deserving.

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Mike's avatar

Like John Madden giving away a turkey leg on Thanksgiving

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Melvin's avatar

Sissoko doesn’t eat ham, so we’re gonna have to reconsider

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Not even metaphorically?

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Ian's avatar

Ham Rove has copyrighted "metaphorical ham" and would like a word.

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Miguel's avatar

'He was hamatastic today! Much deserved.'

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

If you win the NGITC fantasy league, I'll buy you ham.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

another underrated mourinho narrative-control trick: teams that play against him never get credit with shutting down HIS attack

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Nothing to do with this match, but please spare a thought for Sheffield United. In a so-called "relegation six-pointer" with West Brom, they generated 2.9 expected goals and a whopping zero (0) actual goals. https://fbref.com/en/matches/bd68404c/West-Bromwich-Albion-Sheffield-United-November-28-2020-Premier-League

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Who gets the ham? I think it has to be Hojberg for this special moment: https://twitter.com/euandewar/status/1333109390686216192?s=21

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Miguel's avatar

a herd of pigs won't be enough to show jose's appreciation

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Patrick S's avatar

Give the man his ham

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Scott Dangler's avatar

As good as any

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Ndombele for Lo Celso is the new Kovacic for Barkley.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

My prediction: 2-1 Chelsea win. If I'm wrong, please hold it over my head until the day I die.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Spurs have taken one shot since I wrote that thing about Spurs having four shots in the first 15 minutes.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

That's, uh, nine shots in the last two matches. West Brom and Crystal Palace average more than nine shots per game.

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Miguel's avatar

and spus play palace next...a true shooting bonanza. the soldier from Hacksaw Ridge

probably supports crystal palace

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Doug Keith's avatar

this is the way

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Doug Keith's avatar

aaaaaand then Davies comes on for Bergwijn

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

It'd be interesting to see Spurs, playing the same way, with a third great attacker next to Son and Kane. Bergwijn, Lamela, and Lucas are all varying degrees of "fine". Bale doesn't seem like he'll ever have the legs.

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Miguel's avatar

bale plays like he's carrying a couple of hams on his back.

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Jordan Wilhelmi's avatar

Jose loves having that third attacker be average so he has more of an excuse to use as an extra defender

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Our worst HT stat update yet:

Shots (on target): Chelsea 5 (1), Spurs 5 (1)

xG: Chelsea 0.11, Spurs 0.19

Final-third passes: Chelsea 82, Spurs 34

Penalty-area passes: Chelsea 1, Spurs 5

Ham for all.

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Turkey eaters...

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Melvin's avatar

Is Mourinho a turkey eater? We need an official ruling

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

I don't know what he eats, but he absolutely 100-percent does not eat turkey.

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Josh F's avatar

I think he eats ham

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Safe to say no one who has that much money and lives in Europe eats turkey

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Not loving the pattern of this game. Chelsea aren't really able/willing to push enough bodies forward to break Tottenham down. The possession dynamic is giving Spurs plenty of opportunities to counter, but since Chelsea haven't pushed many bodies forward, there isn't a ton of space for Tottenham to counter into. A goal would help shake things up!

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Miguel's avatar

will the managers' alpha status allow anything but a draw. probably agreed before the game

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

FT update:

Shots (on target): Chelsea 13 (3), Spurs 5 (1)

xG: Chelsea 0.87, Spurs 0.19

Final-third passes: 147 Chelsea, Spurs 76

Penalty-area passes: Chelsea 4, Spurs 8

Inaugural recipient of our Metaphorical Ham: Pierre-Emile Højbjerg.

Not much to say about this one: tired players, one team that didn't want to attack, another team that was scared to give up counter-attacks. Still not sold on Spurs. Still not sold on Chelsea. Terrible game. But some really great ham-talk. Thanks, as always, for hopping in here. We'll do it against next week!

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Shocked that Spurs didn't somehow win on whatever the hell that Lo Celso situation was.

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Joel's avatar

Or on the Rodon back pass. Mourinho would have never played a youngster again.

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

After three straight years of a 98-point-or-more winner, there's a decent chance one of *these* teams, producing *this* game, wins the Premier League.

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Jordan Wilhelmi's avatar

Intrigued to see the ultimate clash of styles between Liverpool and Spurs in a couple weeks time

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Miguel's avatar

i feel like they know it and are being really self-conscioius about it.

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Doug Keith's avatar

league is primed for a shithouse winner

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

have we ever watched a fun game together?

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James Milner's Peloton's avatar

Brighton-Everton had 6 goals IIRC.

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Miguel's avatar

i thought this time for for communal existential crisis contemplations? I've been lied to

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

what *is* "fun"?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

o/u on the minute pulisic goes off injured?

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Jordan Wilhelmi's avatar

Pulled beard muscle in 82’

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Can't believe I predicted there would be three goals in this game.

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Mike's avatar

I felt extremely confident betting over 3 goals in Everton/Leeds yesterday so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Miguel's avatar

enter lo celso

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Spurs: four shots in 90 minutes against City. Also Spurs: four shots in 15 minutes against Chelsea.

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Josh F's avatar

It feels like they have had less though

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Miguel's avatar

feel like jose would be more annoyed if spurs won 1-0 than if it ended 0-0

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Jordan Wilhelmi's avatar

A Davies sub would confirm that here

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Doug Keith's avatar

is the this energy coming from an anger at how he sets up spurs to be defensive? i'm confused.

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Miguel's avatar

this game's just givin off 'Do Not Lose' vibes and a 0-0 draw means that his players played in a more inhibited way and didn't not lose, just as instructed.

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Doug Keith's avatar

Definitely more conservative and hoping Son / Kane can convert a low percentage chance to nick a win. The Man City model.

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Doug Keith's avatar

(The Spurs vs. Man City model.)

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Scott Dangler's avatar

Mourinho mood meter: contented

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Melvin's avatar

Timo Werner looks like a collie. This has been my first half analysis

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Despair, Repair's avatar

Good game (so far) for Tom’s Hugo Lloris love on the podcast! That save on Mount was great

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Scott Dangler's avatar

"Why did he not get good contact on that one?" Rodon cutting him underneath seems like the reason

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Blake's avatar

I want them to talk more about the 500 dollar ham Jose bought Reguilon after the City game. Was it an extremely fancy ham or just like...absurdly large?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

We need to get Blake some Spanish ham.

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Blake's avatar

This fancy ham has shot to the top of my Christmas list.

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Scott Dangler's avatar

Spain loves their ham

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Miguel's avatar

the referee looks like iniesta (just thought that was weird)

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

have you ever seen both of them in the same place?

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murakozybalazs's avatar

yeah, this is the kind of borefest you get when one team is coached by mourinho and the other is overly-afraid to overcommit

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Scott Dangler's avatar

N'Golo Kante in the wall is a wild visual

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Miguel's avatar

telling Kante he can't be in the wall would be like telling a child they're too small for the fairground ride.

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Scott Dangler's avatar

Mourinho mood meter: outward=disgusted, inward=ebullient

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Melvin's avatar

Are Spurs & Chelsea in danger of getting banned from the NGITC

watch parties?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

We're running out of teams. Maybe we'll just watch every Leeds match together.

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James Milner's Peloton's avatar

I think the only "must-watch" TV right now is the age-defying brilliance of Zlatan, the sheer brute force of Erling Haaland, and the always comical Gonzalo Higuain bottling chances for the 19th-placed Inter Miami.

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Miguel's avatar

this is a world wide problem. unless alaves are on the come-up

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Front-runner for the post-match existential ham.

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Jackson L's avatar

Thank god for Lloris preventing Mount from being the match winner

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Miguel's avatar

honestly, matches are now just set-ups for Jose's post match IGs. I just don't know what's better for the post, a win or a loss.

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murakozybalazs's avatar

and for 'gram. don't forget the 'gram

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Josh F's avatar

I think we all deserve some ham after that crap first half

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Josh F's avatar

This Ndombele guy is pretty good, surely he plays all the time, no controversy or anything

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Day 1 starter, first-name on the team-sheet, etc.

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Doug Keith's avatar

Now he does! Except after 60 minutes when Lo Celso comes on for him.

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Jordan Wilhelmi's avatar

Hojbjerg has the Mourinho talking points down pat in this post game presser

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

It's really special. Deserves his ham.

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Miguel's avatar

looking forward to arsenal- wolves. arteta's disappearing his players for bad behaviour like dexter . who's next?

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Despair, Repair's avatar

What the hell, Lo Celso...LOL

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Scott Dangler's avatar

Mourinho mood meter: gratified

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Miguel's avatar

spurs obviously saving themselves for LASK

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Do we think frank doubles down on his plan to have ziyech and James just pump crosses into the box?

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Early signs say yes!

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Joel's avatar

Just curious, do offside chances count towards xG?

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James's avatar

Only if they miss and offside is never officially called...

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Scott Dangler's avatar

Anyone else go down a ham rabbit hole? I ordered a country ham for Christmas. Maybe also a statement on the quality of this game.

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Mike's avatar

I need this game to pick up so that I don't switch to the Jets at 1

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

Sounds like you need some Spanish ham, too.

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Sebastian Pardo's avatar

Jets? Ouch.

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Mike's avatar

I'm an absolute sicko Jets, Mets, and Everton fan

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Ian's avatar

Glutton for punishment... and ham.

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Mike's avatar

Revolting against my Jewish ancestors, reveling in delicious cured meat

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Miguel's avatar

and you wonder why you still have child locks for your cutlery draw as an adult

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Miguel's avatar

No Dele Alli? Somone hug Vermont.

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

The aurier-Werner matchup seems like a mismatch

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Ryan O'Hanlon's avatar

So you don't think Werner is gonna be able to deal with Aurier's runs forward?

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Thomas Van Grinsven's avatar

Exactly

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James's avatar

In before an 80’ minute Pulisic winner

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James's avatar

Alas. There was a half chance there too!

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Miguel's avatar

leicester's coming fixtures are extremely amenable.

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Blake's avatar

What a pass from Kane

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Miguel's avatar

last minute hand ball penalty incoming...but who?

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Doug Keith's avatar

My mind tells me a 0-0 away result against Chelsea is great. My heart tells me I know we're about to go down a goal and never recover.

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Doug Keith's avatar

Great, now Pulisic is coming on.

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