I’m stealing this idea from The Morning News, where one of their writers, John Warner, would recommend books to read based on the last three books a person had read. With the Bundesliga scheduled to come back this weekend, it seems like there might be a lotta people who haven’t watched the Bundesliga before who are suddenly watching the Bundesliga! So, want a team to root for? Answer the following three questions, and I will give you a club.
-When was the last time you cried? -What is your least favorite movie? -What specific sporting event do you think about most often?
The Bundeslig-Oracle has been on deadline each of the past two days, but he will answer all of your queries over the next few days. Thanks for participating -- and sorry for the hardships you've all been through.
1. About 2 weeks ago - I was running through my neighborhood at sunset, “won’t back down” by Tom Petty came on over my headphones, and just seeing people out walking (in masks) but still living life and staying positive despite the pandemic got me pretty emotional.
2. Ford Vs. Ferrari, because the book it’s based on (“go like hell” by aj ellis) is one of my all time favorites, and I’d been anticipating the movie adaptation for about 4 years. It’s not that the movie was bad, but it wasn’t nearly as good as the book and was super dumbed down. I left the theater so disappointed/angry because that movie could have been an all-time great and they phoned it in, producing an average film.
3. 2013 niners-ravens super bowl. I’m a lifelong niners fan, grew up hearing my dad talk about the great teams of the 80’s, studying them through documentaries, etc. the year before (2012) we’d been to the NFC championship and come up short. In 2013 we start the super bowl by emphatically getting our asses kicked for a half, but suddenly the power goes out, we start a huge comeback, are driving in the 4th quarter to win the game, and I’m thinking about how I’m going to remember this game for the rest of my life...and we come up short. I had come back to San Francisco from school on the east coast just to watch the game, and we fucking lost after nearly pulling off an all time comeback. I remember going to dinner with my family afterwards, and the city was completely dead. Absolutely brutal.
*edited - initial response had a few too many typos*
Did some research, and yeah, leverkusen fits.
Doomed to fail, but guaranteed to do so beautifully? Check.
Unsure about whether their values are pro-corporate or pro-worker? Check.
Into great architecture? Yup.
Pro-medicine (which seems like a good side to be in mid-quarantine)? You bet.
Here we go, nearly men!
My only complaint about the team I now support: so far I’ve found no examples of an English language reporter calling the young Leverkusen attack unit the “baby aspirins.” This is a missed opportunity.
Joking aside, thanks for doing this for your readers, Ryan. Having skin in the game makes the league much more interesting, and I’m looking forward to getting invested.
"It may be a bit early to make such judgments, but 'Battlefield Earth' may well turn out to be the worst movie of this century." You are a Wolfsburg fan now. KDB says so.
3) When Marco Reus put Dortmund up 3-1 against Liverpool in 2016 and the announcer said something to the effect of "surely it's over now." Or 'Corner Taken Quickly'.
-A few weeks ago, cleaning out some storage and I found some cards from my grandma from before dementia set in
-Titanic
-Liverpool 4, Barca 0 (in case that does count b/c of recency bias, then probably the Celtics blowing a 10-point lead in the 4th quarter of G7 in the 2010 NBA Finals
You are preoccupied with an exhibition game between the best basketball players in the world (other than Isiah Thomas) that you've never actually seen. You are a Bayern Munich fan.
Please answer this one for my brother. He’s never watched a full game of soccer in his life, I think, but he’s thinking about getting into the Bundesliga given the lack of sporting options. I’ve done my best to steer him toward Dortmund, but he’s skeptical.
His responses:
1. I cried at a particularly beautiful performance on The Voice last night.
2. My least favorite movie is the Hannah Montana movie
3. Altuve home run to beat the Yankees in 2019 Game 7 ALCS.
Sunday, when my brother read his Mother’s Day card
Age of Ultron
Robben getting a second yellow for celebrating in the stands after scoring against Sunderland. It would be Kawhi against the sixers but that’s too recent and not nearly as funny.
Your adulthood has been upended before it got started -- and you watched all three hours of a move you disliked. You are a Borussia Monchengladbach fan now.
1. I'm not gonna lie, reading some of the sadness in this text thread, seems like a lotta indescribable pain summarized casually in one or two sentences.
2. Some wack transformers movie I thought would be bad when i was taken to it, but even I was not prepared for the absolute tire fire.
3. Too many options to really consider if we looking all time, so best to just go recency bias here, and just say the awesome 10 point comeback in 7 minutes by Mahomes and company, everything from 3rd and 15 onwards.
1. Yesterday. Lost my mom in January. If that's too heavy then I was listening to "Changes" by Phil Ochs a couple of weeks ago and it got me.
2. The movie I have the most active ire towards is Remember the Titans. Phenomenal actors and moments, but overcome by horrific sports scenes and an insulting navigation of racism (if we all just listened to Marvin Gaye's 14th best song, racism would be solved)!
3. Unfortunately the Falcons blowing their 28-3 lead. I still cling to just how close the parallel universe exists where the pats lost. It'd have been a tiny victory amidst all the BS of 2017 but ATL > Boston, beating Trump's team, etc would have been a nice moment. I think a lot about how marginal outcomes are and how different things would look if the alternative happened.
I, too, I think a lot about how marginal outcomes are and how different things would look if the alternative happened. Sorry for your loss, Will. You are a Bayer Leverkusen fan now.
The Bundeslig-Oracle has been on deadline each of the past two days, but he will answer all of your queries over the next few days. Thanks for participating -- and sorry for the hardships you've all been through.
1) Last I can remember was when I told my wife about Shea Serrano giving away over 100K to the SA food bank. A true hero for our time.
2) Batman and Robin, 1997 Joel Schumacher director.
3) 1998 NFC Championship Game. Everything went wrong right before halftime and you could just tell. The Vikes would have beat the Broncos that year.
You remember '98 more than the Minnesota Miracle. You are a Wolfsburg fan now.
1. The other night when thinking about how much I miss hanging out with the people I love.
2. Batman vs. Superman. It's not bad in a funny way it's just painfully bad.
3. Raptors v 76ers game 7 2019
Try watching a Dortmund game with the people you love. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan now.
1. About 2 weeks ago - I was running through my neighborhood at sunset, “won’t back down” by Tom Petty came on over my headphones, and just seeing people out walking (in masks) but still living life and staying positive despite the pandemic got me pretty emotional.
2. Ford Vs. Ferrari, because the book it’s based on (“go like hell” by aj ellis) is one of my all time favorites, and I’d been anticipating the movie adaptation for about 4 years. It’s not that the movie was bad, but it wasn’t nearly as good as the book and was super dumbed down. I left the theater so disappointed/angry because that movie could have been an all-time great and they phoned it in, producing an average film.
3. 2013 niners-ravens super bowl. I’m a lifelong niners fan, grew up hearing my dad talk about the great teams of the 80’s, studying them through documentaries, etc. the year before (2012) we’d been to the NFC championship and come up short. In 2013 we start the super bowl by emphatically getting our asses kicked for a half, but suddenly the power goes out, we start a huge comeback, are driving in the 4th quarter to win the game, and I’m thinking about how I’m going to remember this game for the rest of my life...and we come up short. I had come back to San Francisco from school on the east coast just to watch the game, and we fucking lost after nearly pulling off an all time comeback. I remember going to dinner with my family afterwards, and the city was completely dead. Absolutely brutal.
Everything about this -- the detail, the emotion. You are a Bayer Leverkusen fan now.
*edited - initial response had a few too many typos*
Did some research, and yeah, leverkusen fits.
Doomed to fail, but guaranteed to do so beautifully? Check.
Unsure about whether their values are pro-corporate or pro-worker? Check.
Into great architecture? Yup.
Pro-medicine (which seems like a good side to be in mid-quarantine)? You bet.
Here we go, nearly men!
My only complaint about the team I now support: so far I’ve found no examples of an English language reporter calling the young Leverkusen attack unit the “baby aspirins.” This is a missed opportunity.
Joking aside, thanks for doing this for your readers, Ryan. Having skin in the game makes the league much more interesting, and I’m looking forward to getting invested.
- watching the Season 3 finale of The Good Place
- Cannonball Run
- Steph Curry Davidson v Kansas in the Elite 8
Jhon Cordoba is doing is best Steph Curry impression. You are a Koln fan now.
Last week, rewatching Hunt for the Wilderpeople.
Battlefield Earth; it's the only movie that's actively given me a migraine, and I usually love bad movies.
This is a hard one. I'm going to go with France 1-0 Belgium from the 2018 World Cup. For the record, I was not rooting for France.
"It may be a bit early to make such judgments, but 'Battlefield Earth' may well turn out to be the worst movie of this century." You are a Wolfsburg fan now. KDB says so.
Yesterday night.
Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift
Cricket World Cup
Me, too, Clive. Me, too. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan now.
1) One of my players losing her dad
2) The most recent fantastic 4
3) When Marco Reus put Dortmund up 3-1 against Liverpool in 2016 and the announcer said something to the effect of "surely it's over now." Or 'Corner Taken Quickly'.
Three is better than four. You are a Bayer Leverkusen fan now.
Birth of my daughter.
The Ringer
The University of Dayton defeating Ohio State in the first round of the 2014 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament
You are a modest Dayton fan. You are a Freiburg fan now.
third week of quar due to loneliness and panic
all dogs go to heaven (depressing)
when steph hit that 38-footer to beat the thunder
Your parenthetical explanation made me laugh. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan now.
-Last week while watching Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
-Off the top of my head? I'm still mad at how much I hated The Phantom Thread
-Jets second round victory over the Patriots in the 2010-11 playoffs
You should be mad at yourself. You are a Schalke fan now.
I'm an Everton fan, and I'd already decided Schalke were their equivalent so thank you for confirming.
1. Two Weeks Ago watching The Wire
2. Manchurian Candidate
3. 2016 World Series Game 7 (Lifelong Cubs fan)
You did not specify which Manchurian Candidate you're referring to. You are an Eintracht Frankfurt fan now.
-A few weeks ago, cleaning out some storage and I found some cards from my grandma from before dementia set in
-Titanic
-Liverpool 4, Barca 0 (in case that does count b/c of recency bias, then probably the Celtics blowing a 10-point lead in the 4th quarter of G7 in the 2010 NBA Finals
You are a ... likable Celtics fan? You are a Bayer Leverkusen fan now.
-1 month ago
-The rise of sky walker
-dream team Monte Carlo scrimmage.
You are preoccupied with an exhibition game between the best basketball players in the world (other than Isiah Thomas) that you've never actually seen. You are a Bayern Munich fan.
-Putting our family dog down a few months ago
-Rise of Skywalker
-UNC losing the national title game to Villanova on Kris Jenkins' BS prayer of a buzzer beater in 2016
You are remembering one of the greatest sporting events of all time through the lens of a felled Goliath. You are a Bayern Munich fan now.
It has taken years but I try to bask in the glory of 2017 and pretend 2016 never happened
- Saturday morning watching Besiktas fans singing together
- Under the Silver Lake
- Villanova's 2016 NCAA Tournament run
You are making me cry at the thought of you crying over Besiktas fans. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan now.
Within the week
Thor 2
Super Bowl XLIV. I'm a Colts fan
You need a pick me up. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan now.
Please answer this one for my brother. He’s never watched a full game of soccer in his life, I think, but he’s thinking about getting into the Bundesliga given the lack of sporting options. I’ve done my best to steer him toward Dortmund, but he’s skeptical.
His responses:
1. I cried at a particularly beautiful performance on The Voice last night.
2. My least favorite movie is the Hannah Montana movie
3. Altuve home run to beat the Yankees in 2019 Game 7 ALCS.
- top chef;
- the souvenir (wtf was that);
- watching Egypt play Uruguay with my (Egyptian) dad in their first game of World Cup 2 years ago
-Watching When They See Us
-Now You See Me
-City v Spurs 2nd leg in last years Champions League
Does this mean that sequel was better than the original? You are a Hertha Berlin fan now.
- About a week
- Saw
- Celtic beating Barcelona 2-1 in 2012
Right to the point. You are a Union Berlin fan now.
Wow, you're good; they were my first choice!
- Wednesday
- Star Wars Episode 1
- UVa beating Texas Tech in the 2019 National Championship
Sunday, when my brother read his Mother’s Day card
Age of Ultron
Robben getting a second yellow for celebrating in the stands after scoring against Sunderland. It would be Kawhi against the sixers but that’s too recent and not nearly as funny.
You want to watch the world burn. You are a Hertha Berlin fan now.
1. At a fundraiser for rare cancers in early March.
2. The Village
3. The Packers collapse in the 2014 NFC Championship against the Seahawks
You, too, are a Union Berlin fan now.
last fall at my grandpas funeral
legion
philadelphia eagles super bowl
All Eagles fans are Koln fans -- something about the live goat. You are a Koln fan now.
1. After moving out of college, this week
2. Aloha
3. Liverpool vs Barcelona at Anfield
You, ugh, man. You are Borussia Dortmund fan now.
1. Late February, this year
2. The Fast and The Furious
3. 2010 NLCS Game 6, Giants vs. Phillies
You have clouded the Bundeslig-Oracle's orb. You are a Wolfsburg fan now.
1) College graduation, 1 year ago.
2) The Hobbit
3) 2009 NFC Championship Game: Bounty Gate. As a Vikings fan, this day lives in infamy for many reasons..
Your adulthood has been upended before it got started -- and you watched all three hours of a move you disliked. You are a Borussia Monchengladbach fan now.
1. At the end of Onward
2. Alien Covenant. One of the only movies I just turned off in the middle and still don’t care what happened next
3. 2009 champions league semifinal Chelsea-Barcelona 2nd leg aka “a fucking disgrace”
You recall the 2009 Champions League more often than the 2012 Champions League, which your team actually won. You are a Bayern Munich fan now.
1. When we found out our foster baby would have to go back to his mother two weeks ago.
2. Along Came Polly
3. Devin Hester's kick return in the Bears-Colts Super Bowl.
Sorry to hear that, John. You are a Borussia Monchengladbach fan now.
While they still won, they shouldn't have kicked to Hester.
As a Bears fan, it's my highlight.
1. When I quit a job I loved bc of a change in management 2 ish years ago.
2. Kung Pao: Enter the Fist. It reinvents awful
3. Brandon Bostick not recovering the onside kick against the Seahawks in the NFC championship game
You have a fondness toward organizations: Packers, your job. You are a Union Berlin fan now.
1. I'm not gonna lie, reading some of the sadness in this text thread, seems like a lotta indescribable pain summarized casually in one or two sentences.
2. Some wack transformers movie I thought would be bad when i was taken to it, but even I was not prepared for the absolute tire fire.
3. Too many options to really consider if we looking all time, so best to just go recency bias here, and just say the awesome 10 point comeback in 7 minutes by Mahomes and company, everything from 3rd and 15 onwards.
You are keeping yourself in the moment. You are an RB Leipzig fan now.
1. Super Bowl, Kansas finally winning it all this year
2. Sicario Day of the soldado
3. Mexico v Netherlands, "No Era Penal"
You are an Eintracht Frankfurt fan now. You just are.
1. Yesterday. Lost my mom in January. If that's too heavy then I was listening to "Changes" by Phil Ochs a couple of weeks ago and it got me.
2. The movie I have the most active ire towards is Remember the Titans. Phenomenal actors and moments, but overcome by horrific sports scenes and an insulting navigation of racism (if we all just listened to Marvin Gaye's 14th best song, racism would be solved)!
3. Unfortunately the Falcons blowing their 28-3 lead. I still cling to just how close the parallel universe exists where the pats lost. It'd have been a tiny victory amidst all the BS of 2017 but ATL > Boston, beating Trump's team, etc would have been a nice moment. I think a lot about how marginal outcomes are and how different things would look if the alternative happened.
I, too, I think a lot about how marginal outcomes are and how different things would look if the alternative happened. Sorry for your loss, Will. You are a Bayer Leverkusen fan now.
-Watching the last scene in Furious 7
-Prometheus
-2009 Game 7 Stanley Cup Finals
You have not stood strong against the emotional manipulation of the Loud Car Movies. You are an RB Leipzig fan.
-watching Normal People on Hulu
-Finding Nemo
-Germany beating Brazil 7-1
You have stood strong against Pixar's emotional-manipulation machine. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan now.
- A month ago, don't recall exactly but probably something about parent-kid relationships
- Death of a Nation
- Liverpool's 2019 CL comeback against Barcelona
You are a Koln fan now. Their mascot is a live goat named Hennes IX, but he's not allowed to attend games because of public-health reasons.
-Probably yesterday, lots of Pixar these days
-Any sequel that is good but not better than the first
-Moura hat trick
You cry so often that you don't remember the last time you cried. You are a Werder Bremen fan now.
- on a plane to vancouver from jfk
- i feel pretty
- asian champions league
You are my hero. You are a Borussia Monchengladbach fan now.
When we put our 17 year old dog down last year.
The English Patient
2004 Red Sox playoffs
You are a Red Sox fan with strong feelings -- positive and negative -- about the past. You are a Schalke fan now.
February
Green Lantern with Ryan Reynolds
Patriots vs Falcons Super Bowl (as a Falcons fan sadly)
You've had your heart broken, but you were also expecting something from a commercial comic-book film. You are an RB Leipzig fan now.
- near the end of 1917
- Batman v Superman
- 2016 NBA Finals Game 7
You are equally enthralled and disappointed by titanic clashes on a grand scale. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan.
Watching a tik tok yesterday
show- kardashians
bills making the playoffs for the first time in 17 years
You went out of your way to show your disdain for the Kardashians. You are an FC Augsburg fan now.
- Two nights ago for no particular reason
- According to my Letterboxd ratings, Stuck on You
- 2010 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship Game (Gordon Hayward's missed shot)
Officer Stevens, how do you do? You are a Bayern Munich fan now.
1. Yesterday
2. Whiplash
3. Game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference Finals (Blazers fan here)
Not only are you are a Bayer Leverkusen fan now; you are the truest Bayer Leverkusen fan I know.
Just spent 20 minutes on their wikipedia page and oh, man. "The Nearly Men" is such a brutal nickname. Excited to have my heart broken.
1. Never (What is this salty discharge???)
2. Man of Steel
3. College football rivalry games
Uh, you are an RB Leipzig fan now.
I am pleased!
- Late January
- The Cable Guy
- MLB Opening Day
We need to get those tear ducts working. The Cable Guy is so bad. You are a Borussia Mochengladbach fan now.
1. 2 weeks ago
2. Batman v Superman
3. City v Spurs VAR
You are either a referee, a sadist, or a City supporter. You're a Bayern Munich fan now.
- Watching Cinema Paradiso - the ending makes me cry. but it's like a sad / happy cry
- Baby Driver! haha, nah but seriously, Titanic
- Any time I'm doing a flywheel class, I swear I'm Egan Bernal winning the Tour de France
Your have delusions of grandeur. You are a Hertha Berlin fan now.
1. This weekend while watching Normal People
2. The Accountant with Ben Affleck is truly terrible
3. 2018 Rose Bowl Georgia v. Oklahoma/ 2019 Liverpool v. Barcelona 2nd Leg
You have reminded me of one of the funniest things I've ever read. You are a Borussia Dortmund fan now.
https://www.theringer.com/2016/10/17/16044846/the-accountant-ben-affleck-6c3b0610d3d4
Normal People will do that to you