376 Comments
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LMFAOOOOOO

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This is the best game I've ever seen. Defense is for losers.

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OK, that's it from me today: Loved doing this, as always. This game didn't need it, but you guys made it even more fun to watch. I'll leave you with this: first time since 2006 that Messi or Ronaldo won't be in the Champions League semifinals. We've known that it's a new era for a couple years now, but this is the kind of game that makes it official. Enjoy your Fridays, all.

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I wish we didn't have fake crowd noise right now. Watching this in a hollowed-out stadium would've been the movie of 2020.

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Every player on the Barça bench trying to remember what their buyout is

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all > $1billion

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I mean .... what the fuck? It definitely felt like Bayern could win easily, but 8-2 at a neutral site?????? That's one of the most dominant wins at this level of the sport that you'll ever see; hell, it's probably the most dominant win you'll ever see. You don't get an 8-2 without one team being absolutely terrible and the other team being absolutely dominant. Bayern are a problem, and they're gonna be a problem for a long time: 26 shots and 5.58 expected goals. That's what you might expect against a fourth-division team from Rhineland. Barcelona, meanwhile, have no easy way out of this. All of their key players are gonna be a year older. All of their young players are babies and won't be at a full-time starter level for years. Maybe this is a good thing, though? A lopsided 3-2 loss makes it easy to think you can run it back. After this, can you do anything but burn it all down?

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It's somewhere in sunny southern cali, on a patio overlooking the Pacific. An iphone sits silently next to a cocktail and begins to vibrate on a glass table. An elderly hand reaches for it and listens to a man with a thick catalan accent ask "Is this Senor Hinkie?" *scene*

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Bring in Poch, rebuild from the academy

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They should but they can't. They don't have the cojones.

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let arsenal take messi off their hands

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Coutinho's created more than Messi ...

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MOST DANGEROUS LEAD IN SOCCER X2

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OK, everyone is obsessed with how to FIX Barcelona. But who cares. What I want to know: How would you break Barcelona even further?

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David Luiz

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David Moyes and sign Fellaini

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A+ answer

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Sign Cristiano Ronaldo for a kazillion euros, sell Frenkie de Jong to pay for it

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Oh, I got it! Ter Stegen - Kepa+cash swap deal!

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A win-win

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this is pure evil lmao

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Me, an Everton supporter, would allow them to take Gylfi Sigurdsson off our hands

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Bidding 100 million for Harry Maguire

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Swap deal: Hulk for Messi

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They need a strong personality at manager. Bring in Jose.

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Next manager is Marco Silva

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Llorente as one of the attacking two

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Aaron Ramsey?

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Re-up Suarez. Sell De Jong so they have no MDs under 30

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Extend everyone for another 4 years on 250k euros a week

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Jerome Boateng

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What would they do with Lewandowski?

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sell dembele & de jong, buy di maria and modric

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From a winning-more-trophies-before-it's-over perspective, Messi should absolutely leave Barcelona ASAP. There's just such a slim path toward this team being a contender any time soon. It's way more than just coaching. His and his club's timelines are just so far away from each other right now.

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Doesn't his contract run out soon?

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Technically 2021, but he has a clause that let's him leave whenever he wants

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Dreams notwithstanding, he would only go to City I think.

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Yeah agree. Maybe MLS or South America would be the only possible destination.

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We actually need Barcelona to sign Cristiano Ronaldo. They have to quadruple down on old players. I would watch every game.

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

zlatan doing kick ups at the camp nou after being introduced as barca's latest signing

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Robben as well but he's not allowed to cut in from the right

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Bring in Ribéry and hire Pirlo our from under Juve...as a player

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You guys don't think Barcelona are just a Mirajlem Pjanic away from being an elite team again?

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puig, pjanic midfield changes everything

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Barca by 15 with Pjanic

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Barca have 57-percent possession and two shots. Bayern have 13 shots. This is the most feeble version of tiki-taka you'll ever see.

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Worse than the Spanish national team in the last World Cup?

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At least they didn't give up any shots!

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Fair point. It was still terrible.

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Geriatric

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YIKES

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You love to see it

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Don't forget that Barca almost scored 30 seconds before Bayern slammed one in! This isn't over.

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Amazing 1-2 between Lewandowski and Muller, though. Who even tries that?

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Speaking of Germany,

Eat the fucking boot, Donnie

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i miss donnie, ryan and micah on ringer fc

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this is probably sacrosanct but stadio is good too

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love stadio

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Apparently Julio Cesar is one of the commentators for this game in Brazil. He can, uh, provide some authentic input. https://twitter.com/RBalta1/status/1294356948155076609

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This went from an amazing back-and-forth game to an absolute slaughter-fest in about five minutes. Welp.

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All of Barca's good chances and good possessions have come from long balls. Maybe, uh, do that?

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

Need Sam Allardici managing

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The MLS takeover of the Champions League continues, as we all predicted.

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Great point!

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Already circling the calendar for next year, when Gyasi Zardes scores an 89th-minute winner against PSG to send Shakhtar Donesk through to the semis.

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

This game is what hearing rock music for the first time in the 50’s must have been like

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

Or in the 30s when color appeared in the world for the first time

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

clinical finish from alaba

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Are Barca just trolling at this point with the passes in their own box

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It's their own Stockholm syndrome, What's harming them they think is their protector.

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Their only allowed to lose in the champions league in devastating fashion

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Listen, we've seen teams overturn a three-goal deficit in the second half of a Champions League matchup before ... right?

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Milan didn't have Muller's orderly haircut

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Just feels like Bayern are giving Messi way too much time and way too much space on the outer edges of the attacking third. This line looks suicidal on TV, and the midfield isn't providing any pressure in their own half of the field.

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This both true and may somehow not matter if Bayern score every 5 minutes? As a City fan I am terrified of this Bayern team

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That got through like a half-inch window between Llenglet and Ter Stegen's feet. Wasn't a great angle, but all that space let Perisic cock back and rip one.

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

bet on bayern -.5 which almost guarantees a signature messi moment...i cant wait. also wonder how many days i can gamble on sports all afternoon and stay employed

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My official prediction is Bayern 3, Barca 2. France-Argentina vibes. So: congrats to Barcelona!

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Looking more like Germany-Brazil vibes. Yikes.

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That was such a great game

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Where’s Messi been at. If only they had Cristi

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Messi and Ronaldo are artifacts of a bygone world. It's Eric Choupo-Mouting's world now and we're all just living in it.

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bullshit braithwait didnt get to shine like chupo-mouting tonight

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take time!!!

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THERE HE IS

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i know that felt better than sex for coutinho

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

That’s more like it from Perisic

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Can you imagine if they already had Sané instead of perisic

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/ When they get Sule and Hernandez back next year... going to be absurd

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I'm already kinda bummed that Bundesliga will just be playing for 2nd.

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I don’t like it but also can’t wait to watch it. Hopefully Haaland goes into full God mode to make it competitive

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This team with sané will be absolutely wild

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Left side is going to look like the service line at the Wimbledon final

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Between his goal and the Goretzka chip pass to Gnabry I didn't know what I was watching!

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

i'm supposed to be working on a big project at work but i can't take my eyes off this game

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i stopped working post NBA restart and its going alright so far. would recommend.

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

it's like Barcelona walked around all season saving their energy so they could press like maniacs in this one game

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It's the Real Madrid playbook; stop trying in La Liga so you can put it all in on Europe.

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Oh my Davies

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Showing Coutinho on the bench is just salt in the wound

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

messi is about to turn into lebron during the 2015 finals

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I think you mean LeBron during the 2007 finals...

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nah 2015 after kyrie and love got hurt

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this game is the right kind of stupid

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Just what 2020 ordered

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This is tremendous content

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I'm looking up every pod, article, tabloid, and tweet I can find. Gimme all of it

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Coutinho with the big middle finger to his club

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Coutinho now out-scoring and out-creating Messi ...

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If only Barca had a guy like him

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They also once had Thiago

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OK, if Messi leaves Barcelona -- he won't, I don't think, but he should because it would be fun as hell -- where would you wanna see him go?

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Leeds

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

Napoli

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

PSG for a fun watch, but personally I think he’d fit in well in Columbus

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Understudy for Max Moralez at NYC

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If Sancho leaves Dortmund

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I WANT him to go to PSG

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lets goooooooooooo

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And then fast forward to the r16 of next year's UCL

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I'll throw my hat in for Stoke City. As Choupo-Mouting has beautifully shown, it is only once a footballer has experienced the harrowing depths of bottom-tier English football that he is able to emerge anew.

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Lol what he we went to another Spanish team like Sevilla

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Atletico

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Valladolid!

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That would be fascinating

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man city

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Gross

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just want to see him with pep again

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Fair. A reunion tour would be nice

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Chivas to get rid of the only-Mexicans rule

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Stoke

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Atalanta

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Leverkusen

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Him and Pep both leave reunite at Juve (Ronaldo would go to PSG or something)

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Can America claim Alphonso Davies?

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Aug 14, 2020Liked by Ryan O'Hanlon

davies would be sitting out of his college fb season is he was american

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We're annexing him

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Some more HT numbers. Barca have completed 231 passes to Bayern's 201. BUT Bayern have completed 51 passes in the final-third to Barca's 17 and 12 in the penalty area to Barca's three. Space > possession.

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Messi has one shot and hasn't created a chance yet. Amazing that Barca can have that much of the ball but can't get him involved.

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Ronaldo twitter is loving this

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What do you guys think the xG tallies are right now? (I have them.)

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It's 2.47 to 0.5. That would be a total beatdown ... in a 90-minute game.

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Bayern 2.7 - 0.9 Barca

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2.2-1 for Bayern

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Bayern 5.2, Barça 1.7

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Will Setién get sacked before halftime

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Messi = player manager after the break

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whoever said germany brazil was on to something

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This isn't officially a chat until we start talking shit about Leon Goretzka. Things are moving too fast for me to focus.

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he's hot though

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Get it together Ryan!

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baziiiing

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Careful what you wish for. Our shit talking resulted in most of his goals after the restart.

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Barca are easily getting into those wide channels. Boateng-esque from Alaba. LET'S GO.

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This game has not disappointed so far. Barca finding a lot of success pushing quickly up the flanks. How very un-Barca of them.

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Lol. Lol. That’s my expert opinion

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this is sad

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